A Fractured Leghorn


Foghorn:  What's the big... I say, what's the big idea chasin (chasing) my worms?

You’re a cat, son. Cat’s don’t eat worms.  You’re takin’ (taking) the food right outta my mouth!  I don’t go around chasin’ (chasing) mice! Stand up boy, you’re trippin’ (tripping) over  your own feet.  Now you stay away from worms and I’ll stay away from mice.  That’s fair and square, and if you stop all ya (your) arguin’ (arquing) and jawin’ (jawing) you will see my side of it. Yap yap yap, keep that mouth flappin’  (flapping) and do no listenin’ (listening).   Ain’t  nothing worse than a blabber mouth cat.

Hey son, what you gonna (are you going to) do with that wheel?  Gimmie that (give me that), who do you think you are, George Washington?  Ain’t no (there’s no) cherry trees around here.  

What are ya (you)… I say what are you doin (doing) with a pump,  pumpin’ (pumping) for oil?   Ya (you’re) crazy boy! There’s no oil in this ground! Stand up son. You fallin’ (falling) all over yourself.  There’s no oil five-hundred miles from here! Geology in the ground is all wrong.  Even if there was oil, you need a drill not a tire pump! Layin’ (laying) down again. Gotta (got to) learn to stand on your own feet, boy.  I may not always be around to help ya (you).  Boy’s got a mouth like a cannon, always shootin’ (shooting) it off. 

What kept, I say what kept ya son? I can’t hold my breath forever. I’m not a fish. I gotta breath air. I need air, my lungs crave air.  You gotta (got to) think of things like that, boy.   Little consideration for me.  A your down again.  I don’t want to be hoggish about this! So I’ll tell you what.  Let’s divide the worm.  We’ll draw. I’ll say, we’ll draw a line and bisect him.  Now all on that side of the line is yours, and I’ll take all on this side. Well bar b que my ham hawks. Your half is gone! I say don’t, now don’t give me no lip, son. You gotta stick by your bargin’ (barging).  I’d do the same.  Well hog, gravy and chitlins, my half is gone.  I…,  I…,  I… know what you are going to say, son. When two halves is gone, there’s nothing left and you’re right. It’s a little ole worm, who wasn’t there.  Two nothins (nothings) is nothing (nothing). That’s mathematics, son. You can argue with me, but you can’t argue with figures. Two half nothins (nothings) is a whole nothin (nothing), and I know what I am talkin’ (talking) about. 

Cat: Aaaaaa  shut up!!!

Foghorn leghorn:  Ok I’ll shut up. I’m not one who has to keep talking. Some fellows just have to keep their mouths  flappin’,  but not me! I was brought up right, my pa used to tell me to “shut up” and I’d shut up! I wouldn’t say nothing.  One time darn near starved to death,  wouldn’t tell him I was hungry!